Poetry International Poetry International
Poem

Laura Vazquez

Le livre du large et du long (fragment)

He took the powdery ash in both hands,
pouring it over his grey head as he wept.

-


Hello and hi there
I always longed to understand                                                                         
So here amongst the many ways of telling is
 
One

I was young to begin with
I didn’t know my size
as I didn’t know right or wrong or anything or nothing

As snakes aren’t aware                                                                                         
That height and width is wrong

As I wasn’t a snake but I could
Have because I notice a hundred times +                                                                    
A thousand everything is wrong but right

Snakes measure whatever they find with their bodies it’s their way of       
being alive and that was my way

wanting to understand the world with my body listen to me

 

I loved my existence
and I bowed down so to speak before that feeling

 

You must understand

I had the gift of myself on Earth

Begging giving destroying

submitting ordering rushing

finding dragging returning

serving calling coming back
protecting resolving I blackened my                                                           
mouth hearing descending resounding

 

shaking running spurting shooting                                                                
gliding
listening writing calculating                                                                        
I saw some bouncing shifting

staggering stroking leaping speaking                                                        
drowning

 

I retreated struck flustered
I swear on my life my death

swinging crushing screwing screwing in what screwing

 

I bullshitted a lot

I bullshitted days

I bullshitted bodies

I bullshitted myself

good joyful sad angry
getting bored being cold being afraid being hurt hurting                
quickly
calmly deeply

 

I collected the bones of little                                                                       
Dead creatures I calculated
The kilometres covered by insects                                                          
Bristling with short thin lashes                                                                               
In the indefinitely rotten air

The leaf’s fibres its veins will resist
Reduction by 
Shears
the pasty residue in their small intestines – these insects
That I imagined
And randomly disbursed my molecules with my tongue Which I passed over                                                                                                                       the furniture in the house and over the walls
The streets the benches the metro on people’s scarves The people
I wanted to spread myself around

I often called my friends to tell them - I don’t exist                                   
My friends responded you don’t exist
 
As I didn’t have any friends
The random voices dialled said – who are you                                               
I replied – I don’t exist they replied – yes

I replied – and tell me why I don’t exist
They replied with the words that I scratched out
I scratched them out and I scratched the leaves onto the trees
That I crossed with a needle
Naughty naughty and I arranged my objects in alphabetical order and              
I
hated them
I
Turning myself
Within iself for a long time

and there was no quest or marsh or grain                                                    
no lowers or uppers or summit                                                                       
or capital or troops or majesty

or dicks or account or millions                                                                                           
no coin
or bombs or garden or religion or cause

 

To calm myself
I imagined maggots longer than you or I                                                          
In the airy parts of nature
Stretchier than my father and my sisters                                                    
My mother and all the distant cousins
Believe me when I say I thought of emptiness

 

The road was hard around me
My hand held no right or wrong or anything
Every morning got worse because the morning didn’t hold a thing not a thing

Dimensions become painful

That hurts  

That hurts    

                                                                                                                                    

As nothing looks like anything everything looks like everything       
Exactly exactly I tell myself 
The membrane between light and eye
A deformed formless thing
I enjoy myself as a safety
Enjoying vocabulary
Enjoying I as a safety
Enjoying I as an enjoyment
Suddenly angles were angles and points were points                                   
I fell asleep

Le livre du large et du long (fragment)

Met beide handen pakte hij wat stoffige as
Gooide dat over zijn grijze hoofd en snikte luid.

 

-

 

Goedendag en hallo
Altijd al bewoog ik om te begrijpen
Van alle manieren om te vertellen hier
Eén 

 

In het begin was ik jong
Ik wist niet hoe groot ik was
Want ik wist van goed noch kwaad noch iets noch niets 

 

Want slangen weten niet
Hoe hoog of breed dat is niet echt zo
Want ik was geen slang maar had dat best
Kunnen zijn want ik merk honderd x
Zoveel op alles is onecht maar waar





Slangen meten wat ze vinden met hun lichaam dat is hun manier
van in leven zijn en het was die van mij
want ik wou de wereld begrijpen met mijn lichaam luister 


Ik hield van mijn bestaan
en knielde als het ware neer voor dat gevoel 

 

Begrijp me goed



Ik had mezelf als gave op aarde



Smekend gevend verwoestend

 



verlenend bevelend toesnellend

 



ontmoetend dralend omkerend

 




dienend roepend terugkomend
beschermend regelend maakte ik mijn kop
zwart horend afdalend opklinkend



ontwrichtend rennend verschijnend toewerpend
zwevend luisterend schrijvend rekenend
ik zag er een paar huppelend verplaatsend
wankelend strelend springend sprekend
verdrinkend




ik heb een stap terug gezet geslagen gedreven
Ik zweer bij mijn hoofden mijn doden




werpend verbrijzelend schroevend schroevend schroevend waarin



ik heb veel bij elkaar verzonnen

 

ik heb de dagen verzonnen

 

ik heb het lichaam verzonnen

 

ik heb mezelf verzonnen




braaf blij triest witheet
terwijl ik me verveelde kou leed angst leed pijn leed pijn deed
snel kalm hevig









Ik raapte de botten op van kleine dode
Diertjes berekende
Hoeveel kilometer was afgelegd door de insecten
Met hun schaarse korte trilhaar
In de rottende hoop zouden de v-
De vezels en nerven van de bladeren eindeloos weerstand bieden
Ze zetten met een
Schaar
de resten in hun kleine darmen om tot brij – die insecten
Die ik me voorstelde
En ik verdeelde mijn moleculen zomaar overal met mijn tong Die ik over
de meubels in het huis liet gaan en over de muren
De straten de bankjes de metro over de sjalen van de mensen Het volk
Ik wilde me verspreiden

 

  

vaak belde ik mijn vrienden om te zeggen – ik besta niet
Mijn vrienden antwoordden je bestaat niet
Want ik had geen vrienden
Stemmen van zomaar nummers zeiden – wie bent u
Ik antwoordde – ik besta niet ze antwoordden – ja
Ik antwoordde – en vertelt u mij dan eens waarom ik niet zou bestaan
Ze antwoordden met woorden die ik doorstreepte
Ik streepte ze door en streepte de bladeren van de bomen
Die ik kruiste met een naald
Gemeen gemeen en ik sorteerde mijn spullen op alfabetische volgorde en
ik haatte ze
i-
rolde me
in me op heel lang 









en er was geen zoeken geen moeras geen korrel
geen lager geen hoger geen top
geen hoofdstad geen troepen geen majesteit
geen pikken geen weegschaal geen miljoenen
geen centen geen bommen geen tuin geen religie geen zaak








Om rustig te worden
Stelde ik me soms maden voor langer dan u en me
In het domein van het gebied van de natuur
Weidser dan mijn vader en zussen
Mijn moeder en alle familie in de omtrek
Geloof me als het om mij gaat dacht ik over leegte





De weg was hard om me
Mijn hand bezat goed noch kwaad noch niets
Elke ochtend was erger want de ochtend bezat niets noch niets


De afmetingen worden pijnlijk

 


Dit doet pijn
Dit doet pijn

 




Omdat niets op iets lijkt lijkt alles op alles
Sprekend sprekend zeg ik tegen mezelf
Het vlies tussen licht en oog
Een vormeloos vervormd ding
Ik profiteer van mezelf als zekerheid
Profiteer van de woordenschat
Profiteer van me als zekerheid
Profiteer van me als profijt
Ineens waren de hoeken hoeken en de punten punten
Ik viel in slaap

'Le livre du large et du long' (fragment)

De ses deux mains, il prit de la cendre poussiéreuse,
Qu’il versa sur sa tête grise en sanglotant très fort.

 

-


Bonjour et salut
Depuis toujours je bougeais pour comprendre
Voici parmi les manières de raconter
Une




J'étais jeune au départ
Je ne connaissais pas ma taille
car je ne connaissais ni bien ni mal ni choses ni rien




Car les serpents n'ont pas la connaissance
De la hauteur de la largeur c'est faux
Car je n’étais pas serpent mais j’aurais
Pu car je remarqu’cent fois +
Mille tout est faux mais vrai






Les serpents mesurent ce qu'ils trouv avec leurs corps c'est leur manière
d'être en vie et ce fût ma manière
voulant comprendre le monde avec mon corps écoutez-moi
J’aimais mon existence
et je m’agenouillais pour ainsi dire devant ce sentiment



Il faudrait le comprendre



J’avais le don de moi sur terre



Suppliant donnant détruisant



rendant ordonnant accourant



rencontrant trainant revenant



servant appelant rentrant
protégeant réglant je charbonnais ma
gueule entendant descendant sonnant



ébranlant courant jaillissant décochant
planant écoutant écrivant calculant
j’en ai vu sautillant déplaçant
titubant caressant bondissant parlant
noyant



j’ai reculé frappé flotté
Je jure mes têtes mes morts



balançant écrasant vissant vissant dans quoi vissant



j’ai beaucoup mythonné

j’ai mythonné les jours

j’ai mythonné le corps

j’ai mythonné moi-même



sage gai triste en colère
m'ennuyant ayant froid ayant peur ayant mal faisant mal
vitement calmement vivement




Je ramassais les os de petites créatures
Mortes je calculais
Les kilomètres parcourus par des insectes
Hérissés de cils courts clairsemés
Dans le pourri indéfiniment r’
Résisteraient les fibres les nervures des feuilles
Réduisant par
Cisaille
les résidus en pate dans leurs petits intestins – ces insectes
Que j’imaginais
Et distribuais mes molécul au hasard par ma langue Que je passais sur
les meubles dans la maison et sur les murs
Les rues les bancs le métro sur les écharp des gens Le peupl
Je voulus me répandre

souvent je téléphonais à mes amis pour leur dire – je n'existe pas
Mes amis répondaient tu n'existes pas
Car je n’avais pas d’amis
Au hasard les voix des numéros disaient –qui êtes-vous
Je répondais – je n'existe pas ils répondaient – oui
Je répondais – et dîtes-mois pourquoi je n'existerais pas
Ils répondaient des paroles que je rayais
Je les rayais et je rayais les feuilles sur les arbr
Que je croisais avec une aiguille
Méchante méchante et je classais mes objets par ordre alphabétiqu et
je les détestais
J
Me roulant
À l'intérieur de me longtemps



et il n’y eût ni quête ni marais ni grain
ni inférieurs ni supérieurs ni sommet
ni capitale ni troupes ni majesté
ni zguègues ni balance ni millions
ni kichta ni bombes ni jardin ni religion ni cause





Pour me calmer
J'imaginais des asticots plus longs que vous et me
Dans les zones des aires de la nature
Plus étendus que mon père et mes soeurs
Ma mère et tous les cousinages des périmètres
Il faut me croire à propos de moi je pensais du vide



La route était dure autour de me
Ma main ne possédait ni bien ni mal ni rien
Chaque matin devenait pire car le matin ne possédait ni rien ni rien



Les dimensions deviennent douloureuses


Ceci blesse
Ceci blesse


Comme rien ne ressembl à rien tout ressemble à tout
Exactement exactement je me le dis
La membrane entre la lumière et l'oeil
Une chose sans forme déformée
Je profite de moi comme une sécurité
Profitant du vocabulaire
Profitant de me comme une sécurité
Profitant de me comme un profit
Soudain les angles furent des angles et les pointes des pointes
Je m’endormis

 

...

Close

Le livre du large et du long (fragment)

He took the powdery ash in both hands,
pouring it over his grey head as he wept.

-


Hello and hi there
I always longed to understand                                                                         
So here amongst the many ways of telling is
 
One

I was young to begin with
I didn’t know my size
as I didn’t know right or wrong or anything or nothing

As snakes aren’t aware                                                                                         
That height and width is wrong

As I wasn’t a snake but I could
Have because I notice a hundred times +                                                                    
A thousand everything is wrong but right

Snakes measure whatever they find with their bodies it’s their way of       
being alive and that was my way

wanting to understand the world with my body listen to me

 

I loved my existence
and I bowed down so to speak before that feeling

 

You must understand

I had the gift of myself on Earth

Begging giving destroying

submitting ordering rushing

finding dragging returning

serving calling coming back
protecting resolving I blackened my                                                           
mouth hearing descending resounding

 

shaking running spurting shooting                                                                
gliding
listening writing calculating                                                                        
I saw some bouncing shifting

staggering stroking leaping speaking                                                        
drowning

 

I retreated struck flustered
I swear on my life my death

swinging crushing screwing screwing in what screwing

 

I bullshitted a lot

I bullshitted days

I bullshitted bodies

I bullshitted myself

good joyful sad angry
getting bored being cold being afraid being hurt hurting                
quickly
calmly deeply

 

I collected the bones of little                                                                       
Dead creatures I calculated
The kilometres covered by insects                                                          
Bristling with short thin lashes                                                                               
In the indefinitely rotten air

The leaf’s fibres its veins will resist
Reduction by 
Shears
the pasty residue in their small intestines – these insects
That I imagined
And randomly disbursed my molecules with my tongue Which I passed over                                                                                                                       the furniture in the house and over the walls
The streets the benches the metro on people’s scarves The people
I wanted to spread myself around

I often called my friends to tell them - I don’t exist                                   
My friends responded you don’t exist
 
As I didn’t have any friends
The random voices dialled said – who are you                                               
I replied – I don’t exist they replied – yes

I replied – and tell me why I don’t exist
They replied with the words that I scratched out
I scratched them out and I scratched the leaves onto the trees
That I crossed with a needle
Naughty naughty and I arranged my objects in alphabetical order and              
I
hated them
I
Turning myself
Within iself for a long time

and there was no quest or marsh or grain                                                    
no lowers or uppers or summit                                                                       
or capital or troops or majesty

or dicks or account or millions                                                                                           
no coin
or bombs or garden or religion or cause

 

To calm myself
I imagined maggots longer than you or I                                                          
In the airy parts of nature
Stretchier than my father and my sisters                                                    
My mother and all the distant cousins
Believe me when I say I thought of emptiness

 

The road was hard around me
My hand held no right or wrong or anything
Every morning got worse because the morning didn’t hold a thing not a thing

Dimensions become painful

That hurts  

That hurts    

                                                                                                                                    

As nothing looks like anything everything looks like everything       
Exactly exactly I tell myself 
The membrane between light and eye
A deformed formless thing
I enjoy myself as a safety
Enjoying vocabulary
Enjoying I as a safety
Enjoying I as an enjoyment
Suddenly angles were angles and points were points                                   
I fell asleep

Le livre du large et du long (fragment)

He took the powdery ash in both hands,
pouring it over his grey head as he wept.

-


Hello and hi there
I always longed to understand                                                                         
So here amongst the many ways of telling is
 
One

I was young to begin with
I didn’t know my size
as I didn’t know right or wrong or anything or nothing

As snakes aren’t aware                                                                                         
That height and width is wrong

As I wasn’t a snake but I could
Have because I notice a hundred times +                                                                    
A thousand everything is wrong but right

Snakes measure whatever they find with their bodies it’s their way of       
being alive and that was my way

wanting to understand the world with my body listen to me

 

I loved my existence
and I bowed down so to speak before that feeling

 

You must understand

I had the gift of myself on Earth

Begging giving destroying

submitting ordering rushing

finding dragging returning

serving calling coming back
protecting resolving I blackened my                                                           
mouth hearing descending resounding

 

shaking running spurting shooting                                                                
gliding
listening writing calculating                                                                        
I saw some bouncing shifting

staggering stroking leaping speaking                                                        
drowning

 

I retreated struck flustered
I swear on my life my death

swinging crushing screwing screwing in what screwing

 

I bullshitted a lot

I bullshitted days

I bullshitted bodies

I bullshitted myself

good joyful sad angry
getting bored being cold being afraid being hurt hurting                
quickly
calmly deeply

 

I collected the bones of little                                                                       
Dead creatures I calculated
The kilometres covered by insects                                                          
Bristling with short thin lashes                                                                               
In the indefinitely rotten air

The leaf’s fibres its veins will resist
Reduction by 
Shears
the pasty residue in their small intestines – these insects
That I imagined
And randomly disbursed my molecules with my tongue Which I passed over                                                                                                                       the furniture in the house and over the walls
The streets the benches the metro on people’s scarves The people
I wanted to spread myself around

I often called my friends to tell them - I don’t exist                                   
My friends responded you don’t exist
 
As I didn’t have any friends
The random voices dialled said – who are you                                               
I replied – I don’t exist they replied – yes

I replied – and tell me why I don’t exist
They replied with the words that I scratched out
I scratched them out and I scratched the leaves onto the trees
That I crossed with a needle
Naughty naughty and I arranged my objects in alphabetical order and              
I
hated them
I
Turning myself
Within iself for a long time

and there was no quest or marsh or grain                                                    
no lowers or uppers or summit                                                                       
or capital or troops or majesty

or dicks or account or millions                                                                                           
no coin
or bombs or garden or religion or cause

 

To calm myself
I imagined maggots longer than you or I                                                          
In the airy parts of nature
Stretchier than my father and my sisters                                                    
My mother and all the distant cousins
Believe me when I say I thought of emptiness

 

The road was hard around me
My hand held no right or wrong or anything
Every morning got worse because the morning didn’t hold a thing not a thing

Dimensions become painful

That hurts  

That hurts    

                                                                                                                                    

As nothing looks like anything everything looks like everything       
Exactly exactly I tell myself 
The membrane between light and eye
A deformed formless thing
I enjoy myself as a safety
Enjoying vocabulary
Enjoying I as a safety
Enjoying I as an enjoyment
Suddenly angles were angles and points were points                                   
I fell asleep

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